Violence made me the person I do not want to be. I failed me, for not being able to control my emotions. I am still regretting that night. That ominous night, in which the crimson red on my hands glorified my shame. The vibrant images of the carnival lights had waned, as the screeching gates in that dirt parking lot stayed stapled in my mind, only remembering the unconscious bodies lying there.
All I was doing was leaving. Ready to go back home, when a couple of individuals attempted to rob me. They were armed with knives and I still wish I would have given them my money. But I decided to give them my ignorance. I decided to forget all the education I have acquired in life, and decided to fight back. I am here to say that it takes more guts to not fight back relative to letting go.
To explain, during the fight I felt more like a savage than a person. I remember grabbing the man’s elbow that had the blade, and cocking it back to his shoulder, pinning it until I heard it break. To my squeamish discomfort, I heard that reverberating crack, knowing that I shattered the bone. I later continued to grab him by the neck until I knew that I disfigured his body.
Maybe it was self-defense? Maybe I was trying to protect myself? But even when I took that blade out of his hand, I unleashed more ignorance onto the other person, making sure that he was to lay with his friend. I punched him in the gut repeatedly, until I knew I bruised his lungs, visible through the blood he was coughing out. Then I followed it with blows to his head. And another one! And another one! And another one! The disfigured face still haunts me today.
Forget the race, creed, or religion that I am or that the two people were. That part is irrelevant because we are all humans. Both parties involved were wrong, but I was the one who made it a disaster. I have recently seen both of the individuals, and they continued to do wrong to society until they were given probation. But to my delight, they are now out of probation, while creating value in our society. As of today, we have forgiven each other. It took years until I was able to find them, and the day we made peace, was the day I felt a weight release off my shoulders.
Since that day, I have never laid a hand on anyone. I have stayed in peace. I have advocated for non-violence. I now take a moment before every action I take. I think about the consequences, because regret can be your worst enemy. Here I am trying to give back. Here I am trying to help. Live happy because life is too short. Live happy because we can. Let us all use our senses to not fight physically, but sustain greatness through every aspect of life.
We should live life happy, because cutting the minutes with shame, ignorance, and regret would be an injustice for ourselves. One step of ensuring this is through having the ability to not fight back.